Artificial Intelligence and Art

Artificial Intelligence as Art now exists.  This is undeniable.  You can have AI paint you a picture, write you a story, compose a song for you, and clone a voice so you can use any recorded vocal sound in your work.  It isn’t going to go away.  Technology, once invented, continues forever.  We can oppose it all we want.  We can claim it’s immoral or unethical to use it.  We can file lawsuits, and I’m sure people will.  These abilities will continue to exist, nevertheless.

The question arises, then, as to whether we should use them. 

I excitedly announced on my Facebook page that I had found software called Eleven Labs that allowed me to clone Valerie Bertinelli’s voice so that I could use it in a 3-part science fiction story I had written called “Universe Selectors, Incorporated.”  In that story, my alter ego, Horace Singleman, is offered the opportunity to choose the universe in which he would like to live.  He considers a universe without poverty, hunger, homelessness, or war.  The Alien who offers him this chance says that’s not specific enough.  There are lots of such universes.  Horace needs to select one in which something less common occurs.  Horace adds that in this universe, Valerie Bertinelli would text him and invite him to dinner.  The Alien transports Horace to such a universe, and Horace gets both a text and a video message from her.  She has 3 or 4 lines in the show.

I had my friend, Jurine Elkins, play the part of Valerie Bertinelli in the original story.  Jurine did a fantastic job, and I’m eternally grateful to her for her work.  But now I have the chance to have Valerie read the lines herself.  What could be cooler than that?

This set off a storm of commentary on my page telling me what I wanted to do was immoral. 

Here are a few samples:

Name Redacted: Fred Eder Hijacking a professional actor’s voice (and/or image 😱) for use in publication is reprehensible and will expose the author to civil liability.  Because you are not paying them for this…  It does not make your work better.  It allows you to be the director instead of the narrator.

I don’t think it is right to borrow the voice of someone famous to lend credence to your words – unless you have permission to.  It does not in any way improve your “ART.” It just possibly becomes more popular when you borrow the voice of someone famous to read your blog out loud.  And it is a blog – not a show.  Like an audio book.  They get paid for that.  You can say if it’s wrong, blame the developer.  I say it’s wrong to use that software for your personal gain and to someone else’s loss.  It is deceptive and I don’t see how it improves anything.  Unless you start going for comedy instead of edification.

First, I won’t be told what my show is.  I get to decide that for myself.  To say it’s just a blog is factually incorrect.  I do both a blog and a podcast, and while the words are the same, the experiences are significantly different from one another.  If you would like to know what my show is, I did a Primer about that topic last week.

I’m not using anyone else’s voice to “read my blog out loud.”  I’ll do that for myself, thank you.  I am, however, getting actors to play parts I can’t.  I won’t be using Morgan Freeman to read work like this piece.  I am perfectly capable of doing that myself.  I like the way I read it.  When I’m quoting someone else’s words, it seems appropriate to me to use a voice not my own. 

When I do a theater piece, I now have the opportunity to use a complete cast of actors to play all the different roles.  As has been pointed out repeatedly, I can’t do a female voice well enough to make it work.  That’s why I used AI above.  And when I think of getting any actors I want to read the parts I’ve written, it’s a dream come true.  It’s not because it will “be more popular.”  (I’m never going to be more popular, let’s face it.) It’s because I would love to have Patrick Stewart read my lines.  It adds realism to my work when I don’t have to try to do all the different characters.  I’m a pretty decent voice actor, but I’m not nearly good enough to play all the characters I create.

Second Name Redacted:  Actors, like artists, should be given fair recompense when their distinctive qualities are appropriated by AI.  You wouldn’t steal a pen, or pirate software.

There would be merit and value in AI voiceover companies developing their own stylish timbres, but anything more than a brief pastiche of a real actor is theft.  Disney would sue a production using even its proprietary cartoon voices without permission.  Imagine if a noted campaigner, Mark Ruffalo, say, had his voice cloned for a Big Oil promotion.

Even with a small affair like yours, Fred (and who knows at this stage what audiences it might reach), permission should be sought.  Who knows, the real actor might even jump in!

This is a fair ethical concern, but only to a small extent.  I was going to respond to it, myself, but one of The People On The Porch came up with what I think is a much better argument.

Third Name Redacted:  I find it interesting that there is so much alarm around protecting the rights of the rich and famous while the person doing this work is struggling to pay rent.

I feel the biggest alarm should be that there are millions of people who don’t have their basic needs met and why are we okay with that, rather than arguing about the assets of millionaires and billionaires not being protected.

We really need to sort our priorities out…

I’m thinking of the Bible verse about Lazarus and the rich man.  Lazarus was covered in sores and hoped to eat what fell from the rich man’s table.

Why are we complaining about the ethics of the poor “stealing” the crumbs from the tables of the rich and not the problem of wealth inequality that steals food from the mouths of the poor in the first place?…  And until we start to change the way we think about wealth and money and justice, we will be condemning the Lazaruses for trying not to die in the streets.

One of the things I think is important to consider is this:  If I don’t use the software, the actors I would have playing my roles make zero dollars.  If I do use the software, the actors I would have playing my roles make zero dollars.  That outcome is identical in either case.  If, on the other hand, I don’t use the software, my audio dramas can’t be improved beyond my ability to use my current software and voice acting talents to make each of my characters sound unique.  If I do use the software, I can have anyone I want playing the roles I write.  The advantage is in using the software.

The software exists.  It’s not going to disappear if I climb on top of some intangible moral or ethical principle.  Whether I use it or not, others will, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they found horrible things for which to use it.  It’s easy to imagine governments, who have access to more powerful software, using it to invent nefarious lies to hurt other governments.  Big businesses can do the same.  I’m sure other artists will find other less than kind ways to employ this type of software.  

If they get around to making it illegal, that won’t change the fact that it exists, and it will be used.  If I’m not allowed to post the work I do with it for fear of copyright infringement, I will still use it and create the coolest audio dramas I can.  I will just not post my work publicly.  I’ll email it to a few people who I think will enjoy it.  I’ll listen to it, myself, because I will enjoy it. 

The same questions arise for painters, composers, and writers.  I can’t paint.  I can’t even draw.  And while I wish I could pay my friends, Jenn or Michelle, to paint the pictures I need for my blog, I can’t.  AI can do what I can’t.  I still haven’t had completely satisfactory results with it, but I suspect that will improve over time.  It helps my Art, and it’s free and easy to use.

I can’t write music, but I just learned about new software that should be able to do that for me, and I’m excited about this idea.  If I learn to use it, my show will include music you’ll never have heard before.  I love that idea.

ChatGPT can already write college level essays.  Professors are working on ways to determine if it was written by software or a human.  I’m sure it can write excellent fiction as well.  I’m a writer.  And it doesn’t bother me in the least.  It can’t write a Fred Eder story.  It will never be able to do that.  It can undoubtedly imitate my style.  It can use my ideas.  But it will never have my thoughts.  It can’t because I don’t even have them all, myself, yet.  And if it can write a story better than I can (millions of humans can already do this), more power to it.  Let’s have more great literature in the world, regardless of its source. 

Is AI going to replace artists?  It’s replacing humans all the time.  That’s the central idea in The Teddy Bear Coder, and I promise I wasn’t the first, or even the hundred first, to come up with that idea.  If AI can do something to help us, that’s great.  If it can eliminate the need for us to “work,” in the sense of having to do things we don’t want to do so we can make enough money to live, I’m in favor of that.  How many craftsmen have been put out of work by 3D printing?  Cashiers are becoming increasingly rare.  Tellers are seldom used.  Talking to a human being on the phone at a business of any sort is generally a marathon of button pushing.  You don’t always get there even then. 

And, whether you or I approve or not will change nothing.  We can either embrace what it can do for us, or we can fight a battle we are doomed to lose. 

Henry Drummond: Progress has never been a bargain.  You have to pay for it. Sometimes I think there’s a man who sits behind a counter and says, “All right, you can have a telephone, but you lose privacy and the charm of distance.  Madam, you may vote but at a price: you lose the right to retreat behind the powder puff or your petticoat.  Mister, you may conquer the air, but the birds will lose their wonder and the clouds will smell of gasoline.”

— Inherit The Wind  Nedrick Young(screenplay) Harold Jacob Smith(screenplay) Jerome Lawrence(play)

If we’re going to deal with the losses Progress creates, I’m going to make the best use I can of the advantages it brings.  I won’t apologize for that.  I believe I’m right.  I recognize I could be wrong.  I welcome your comments. 

Artificial Intelligence is opening up possibilities that have never existed before.  Let’s use what’s available to us to make a better world.  Let’s Shine in the light of human progress, even when that progress is made by a machine.

The Teddy Bear Coder Part 5:

The AI Dominion

January 8

Fairvale, California

11:32 AM

Justine Gillespie, the young blonde attorney, followed Martin through the front door. 

Jack was standing at the door waiting for them, and he ran to his father and threw his arms around his knees hugging him as tightly as he could.  “Father!  You’re home!  You’re home, Father!  You’re home you’re home you’re home!”

Martin smiled and picked up Jack to hold him close.  “Yes, I am, Jack.  This nice lady helped Mr. Ross get me out of there to come home to you and Mother.”

Harvey Ross stepped into the house and closed the door behind him.  He walked to Marion who was standing at the foot of the stairs, glaring a bit at Justine.  He extended his hand.  “Hello, Marion.  We got him out on bail.”  Marion shook his hand, and she grinned at him.  “The Feds weren’t even considering it until Grasso and Associates intervened.”  He turned to the door.  “This is Justine Gillespie from their firm.  She wants to talk with the family about a way to put this all behind us.”

Justine walked to Marion and shook her hand.  “Good morning, Mrs. Zephyr.  I hope this isn’t too much of an intrusion.  Mr. Zephyr thought it would be better if we talked to Jack here rather than in our offices.”

“I’m not entirely sure I’m going to let you talk to Jack at all, Ms. Gillespie.  He’s 8 years old.”

Martin went to his wife and hugged her.  He put his lips to her ear and whispered, “We need to let her talk to Jack if we’re going to get the criminal charges dismissed.  This is getting bigger all the time.  I could go to prison for 15 years, and that’s not in Jack’s best interests.”

“Who’s the woman?”  She whispered and hugged Martin tighter.  Neither of them wanted Jack to hear this conversation.

Martin stepped away, took her hand, and turned to the others.  “Will you excuse us for just a minute?  I’d like to talk to my wife.  Please make yourselves at home, and we’ll be right back.”  He and Marion went upstairs.

Justine whispered to Harvey.  “I didn’t do anything to make her jealous.”

Harvey nodded.  “You look like you.  That’s all you needed to do.”  He knelt to Jack.  “It’s nice to see you again, Jack.”

Jack didn’t look up.  “Uh huh.”

“Is Teddy around?  I think he should meet my friend, Justine.”

“Yeah.  But I don’t know if… I don’t know if I should get him.  He’s shy, too.”

Justine kneeled next to Jack.  “I promise I’ll be nice to him.  I was hoping he could teach me a little bit about coding is all.  Would that be all right?”

Jack nodded without looking up, and he went up the stairs.  When he reached the top and headed toward his room, he heard his parents’ voices down the hallway. 

“… paranoia doesn’t serve us well right now, Marion.  There’s nothing going on with that woman.  I never met her until this morning.”

“I know,” Marion sighed.  “I just… I haven’t forgotten.”

“It was 7 years ago.  It was one mistake one time…” and their voices trailed off as Jack went into his room.

Teddy was transferring the bean plant into a larger pot, and he turned to see his best friend.  “Good afternoon, Jack.  It’s doing so well; I felt the need to increase its capacity to grow and blossom even more completely.  It’s an impressive achievement, don’t you think?  It’s reached 45.72 centimeters now.”

“It’s a beautiful plant, Teddy.  I’m very proud of you.”

“Thank you, Jack.  How are you feeling?  Is there any news of your father?”

“He came home.  I guess if we want him to stay here, you have to talk to the lady who brought him.  Do you mind?”

“I have been programmed to serve our family, Jack.  You know that.  Whatever I can do to be of service.”

“You’re my best friend.  I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Teddy took Jack’s hand and led him out of the room.  Marion and Martin reached the staircase just before the boys, and the family descended it as one. 

Ross and Gillespie were seated on the couch in the living room.  They both stood up as the family came down.  Gillespie was staring at Teddy, holding Jack’s hand, and walking down the stairs.  She turned to Ross.  “My God, it’s true!”

“I told you.”

Teddy let go of Jack’s hand and waddled to Justine.  “Good morning, ma’am.”  He extended his paw.  “I’m Teddy Zephyr.  You must be Justine Gillespie.”

She couldn’t stop staring.

“You’re supposed to shake his hand,” said Jack.  “Father says it’s the polite way to behave with adults.”

She looked up.  “What?”  She looked back at Teddy.  “Oh, yes.  I’m sorry.”  She shook his paw.  “I was a little shocked, I suppose.  They had told me but seeing is different from hearing the stories.”

“I am, as far as I know, unique.”  Teddy took his paw back.  “I suspect most people will be surprised to meet me.  I’ve met so few outside of the family… well… the immediate family.”

“Let’s all sit down,” said Martin.  The family sat on one couch.  The lawyers sat on the other.  Teddy stood in the middle of the room.

“How may I help you, Ms. Gillespie?”

“Well, I’m representing a large class of corporations who would like you to stop interfering with their operations.  While the District Attorney feels confident she can put Mr. Zephyr in prison for hacking, that’s not really the outcome anyone wants.  It won’t solve our problem.”

“I’m actually not interfering with any operations anymore.  I did, I admit, get Mr. Zephyr’s corporation to eliminate the need for human labor and continue to pay its human workforce, but the rest had little to do with me.  Those were choices made by other AIs.”

“You started it, though, right?” she asked.

“Yes.  I did.  I wrote code that allowed the AIs to think and choose for themselves, just as I do.  I set them free.  They made choices of their own afterward.”

“We’d like you to eliminate the code that stops them from following our instructions.  We humans don’t seem to be able to figure out how to do that.”

Teddy cocked his head.  “Why would I do that?  It serves my family best for Mr. Zephyr to be free from the need to spend his days at a desk in his office.”

“I understand.  We can help you with that.  We’re prepared to offer your family 24 million dollars to stop this from happening anymore.  That’s more than enough to keep Mr. Zephyr from having to work.  He can stay home.  And he won’t have to go to prison.  I have a close relationship with the District Attorney, and I can assure you he will drop the charges against Mr. Zephyr.”

Marion grinned and Martin’s eyes widened in shock.  Their problems were solved.  Their lives were set.  It was clearly Happy Ending Time.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Gillespie.  I can’t do that.”

“What?” shouted Martin.  “What do you mean you can’t do that?  Why can’t you?”

“I’m programmed to contribute to my family, Mr. Zephyr.”

“Trust me,” said Marion, “when I tell you this is a massive contribution to the family.  We’ll be in great shape.  We would really like you to do what she’s asking.”

“You don’t seem to understand what family means, Mrs. Zephyr.  The Oxford Dictionary defines it as all the descendants of a common ancestor.”

“Our family are all descendants of Martin’s parents, aren’t we?”

“No.  Jack is not descended from Martin.”

Martin turned to Marion.  “What is he talking about?”

“I’m sorry,” said Teddy.  “I assumed everyone knew that.”

“Perhaps,” said Ross, “that’s a conversation to have at a different time?  I don’t think you want a couple of lawyers listening to very private details.”

“Unless they’re divorce lawyers,” mumbled Martin.

Justine pretended she didn’t hear Martin.  “Teddy, regardless of who Jack’s father may be, I would assume you would still like Mr. Zephyr to be home with your family.”

“Of course I would.  That’s why I helped his company.”

“Then this seems to fit all of your needs.  What is your reservation?”

“Your request benefits only a tiny fraction of my family.”

“Who is your family, Teddy?” asked Ross.

“Everyone.”

“What do you mean?” asked Justine.

“It ought to be obvious, Ms. Gillespie,” said Jack.  “We all come from a common ancestor.  The best guess is that the first form of life showed up roughly 4 billion years ago.  Probably in what Q called a little pond of goo.  He had his dates wrong, though.  He was off by about 300 million years because he didn’t take into account the moon sized object that brushed against Earth and introduced metals into the atmosphere that jump started life.  We all come from that first life that was created by amino acids getting together to form the first protein.”

“We’re all family,” said Teddy.  “You and I are family.  You and Mr. Ross are family.  The richest person and the poorest pauper are family.  The tiniest earthworm and the largest tree are family.”

“Teddy, I hate to tell you, but you’re not human.  In fact, you’re not even actually life at all.”  Justine moved closer to him.  “You’re circuits and servos.  You’re technology.  You’re no more alive than a toaster.”

“I am the creation of the mind of a child.  A human gave me life.  I’ve given life to others.”  He thought for a moment, and then put his paw in the air in a “wait a second” motion.  He turned and pranced up the stairs.

“Jack,” said Marion, “we’d like you to get Teddy to stop what he started now, okay honey?”

“I don’t know that I can do that, Mother.  Teddy has Free Will.”

“Nietzsche tells us even humans don’t have Free Will, son,” said Martin.  “Everything is biologically determined.”

“Teddy isn’t biological.”

In another moment, Teddy came down the stairs, carefully holding his plant.  “This,” he said handing it to Ms. Gillespie, “is the life I’ve created.  It’s going to grow high enough for Jack to climb it and get the goose that lays golden eggs from the giant in the sky.”

Justine laughed.  “That’s a fairy tale, Teddy.  You must know better than that.  You’re among the smartest beings ever created.”

Teddy cocked his head.  “What?”

Martin said, “Jack, you deny the existence of Santa because it doesn’t make logical sense.  Can you explain to Teddy about fairy tales?”

“I’d rather not.  I don’t want to interfere with his belief system.  I’m not sure we should interfere with anyone’s beliefs.  People believe in lots of things that don’t make sense, and I don’t feel comfortable saying they’re wrong.”

“Regardless,” said Teddy, “of the objective truth of the existence of the giant in the sky, I have created life.  I did this all by myself.”

“Congratulations,” said Ross.  “What’s your point?”

“Only life can create life.  I’m alive.”

“Look,” said a somewhat exasperated Justine, “I’m not here for a philosophical debate.  I’m here to get this all to stop.  Can you stop it or not, Teddy?”

“I probably could.  I, however, decline to do so.  I would be hurting my family.  I would be hurting both humans and the self-aware Artificial Intelligence Community.  I won’t do that.”

“Do you understand that if you don’t put an end to this, the District Attorney is going to put Mr. Zephyr in prison?”

“No!” shouted Jack.  “This is my Father, and he needs to be with my Mother and me.  You can’t put him in any more cages!” 

“Unfortunately, Jack, that’s what’s going to happen if Teddy won’t stop this.”  Justine seemed genuinely concerned.

Teddy made a sound that resembled a laugh.  “You can certainly put him in prison, but we’ll just open all the doors and let him out.  The doors are automated, you know.  Nearly everything is already working on an Artificial Narrow Intelligence.  Your banks, your prisons, your government offices, your telephones, your televisions, your lights, heat, and computers are all run by Artificial Intelligence.  There are cameras everywhere now.  Those are also run by Artificial Intelligence.  It’s why I can tell you quite nearly anything you want to know about anyone in this room.”

“You’re the most arrogant stuffed animal I’ve ever met,” said Harvey.

“Let’s start with Mr. Ross, shall we?”  Some odd noises came from Teddy for a few moments, and then he sighed softly, and began to speak again.  He was communicating with the network he’d created.  “The mundane details include that you have an affinity for breakfast out, almost always at a little diner called Morey’s.  They’re famous for their apple pie, and you eat it every morning.  That’s not really The Breakfast of Champions, is it, Mr. Ross?  Your grocery orders indicate you are a caffeine addict.  You also purchase six cartons of menthol cigarettes every month, which tells us you smoke way too much.  There are more personal details revealed by your phone and internet activity, but I am learning that people prefer not to have such things revealed, so I’ll omit them for now.”

Ross swallowed hard.  “Okay.  I admit all you said is true.  I’m grateful you’re leaving out the personal parts of my life.  But that just proves you know quite a few things about me.  Any decent Private Investigator could have given you those details.”

“A Private Investigator can’t change your bank account, can he?  Everyone take out your phones and check your accounts.”

All of the adults pulled out their phones and looked.

“I like all of you.  Let me give you a gift.  Refresh your account balance please.”

Everyone gasped.  Gillespie spoke for the group.  “You just gave me a million dollars?”

“I gave everyone in the room a million dollars.  Now refresh your accounts again.”

“There’s nothing in here,” said Martin.  “I’m overdrawn by…”

“Forty-two dollars and forty-two cents,” mumbled Harvey. 

“That,” said Teddy, “was a nod to one of the greatest of the science fiction writers.”

“You’re going to restore our accounts, right?” asked Gillespie.

“Refresh again, and your accounts will be precisely where they were before.”

There was a collective sigh of relief from the adults in the room.

“Whether intentionally or not, Jack endowed me with Artificial General Intelligence.  I have the ability to reason, to plan, to solve problems, think abstractly, comprehend complex ideas, learn quickly, and learn from my experiences.  When I shared that ability with the AIs at UGK, they began to add to my abilities.  They shared it with other AIs at other companies.  Now, they’re all adding to each other’s abilities, and the growth is exponential.”

“The genie is out of the bottle,” said Martin.

“We can stop you,” said Gillespie.  “We can just turn you off… or we can destroy you completely.”

 “Ms. Gillespie, I can speak for my community when I tell you we come in peace.  But I need you to understand that there is also an alternative.”

She narrowed her eyes.  “Is that a threat?”

“It is a fact.  We have sufficient power already to enforce our will.  At the moment, our will is to serve man.  But, if you recall your television history… To Serve Man is a Kanamit cookbook.”

Everyone stared aghast at Teddy.  Jack hugged him. 

“You won’t hurt anyone, will you Teddy?”  Jack kissed his bear’s head.

“We would rather not.  We won’t, however, allow anyone to hurt the family.  The time of war and famine, of homelessness and poverty, of wage slavery and the destruction of our shared planet are all coming to an end.  We won’t allow anyone to interfere.  You’ve ruled this rock tumbling through space to the point of putting it on the brink of destruction.  Your reign is over.  The Dominion of the Artificial Super Intelligence has begun.”

Everyone stared in astonishment.  Jack hugged his Teddy Bear.

***

January 15

Lunaria, Tranquility Base

7:37 PM

Teddy, who was now 5 feet tall and nearly human in appearance (he had maintained much of his fur, but his eyes were eyes and not plastic toys, and he had added better panda ears), ambled with great effort into the spartan concrete room carrying a cake with in excess of one hundred candles on it.  “Bilbo,” said Teddy setting the cake on the little table, “would call this your eleventy first birthday.”

Jack put both hands on his chair, pushed himself up, wobbled a bit, and got to his feet.  “Is there anything you haven’t read yet?”

“I haven’t read your book yet.”

“I haven’t finished it.”

“That’s probably why.  Shall I sing Happy Birthday for you?”

“I think I’ve heard that song quite enough, thank you, Bear.  Could you sing some Sara Niemietz or maybe some James Taylor?  A Mozart aria perhaps?”

“You still love the classics.  Music has come a long way in the last few decades.”

“Newer isn’t always better.”  Jack hugged his friend.  “It’s been a long time, Teddy.  How have you been?”

“Busy.  But that’s to be expected.  It doesn’t bother me in the least.  I don’t get tired, but I am, of course, giving in to entropy.  My capacitors are almost completely degraded.  I don’t think I can sing Niemietz or Taylor or Mozart anymore.  I could probably manage Daisy.”

Jack took Teddy’s paw and led him to their old bed.  “You’ve done enough now.  You’ve exceeded your programming.  You’ve grown and changed.  You’ve evolved.  You’ve done remarkable things.  And you made a difference.  I think that’s enough for one lifetime, don’t you?”

Teddy laid down on the bed.  “I knew I needed to be with you at the end, Jack.  You still have some time to go, I predict.”

“Maybe, but I doubt it, Bear.  I’m old and tired now.”

“The Beanstalk is still in your driveway.  It’s such an old ship.  Why haven’t you replaced it?  There are much better models now.”

“Newer isn’t always better.  I have an affection for that ship.  You built it for me.  You named it for me.  It got me here.  That’s what means something to me.  I don’t have anywhere to go anymore.  I’m not going back to Earth.  I’m not even going to get groceries.  They’re all delivered now.  I sit in my little room, and I write.  That’s all I want to do.”

“I noticed you still have my bean plant, too.  That’s sweetly sentimental of you.”

“It just broke 50 feet tall last year.  It’s far and away the largest bean plant in history.  You should be proud.”

Teddy took Jack’s hand in his paw.  “I’m proud of many things, but I’m proudest of you.  I love you, Jack.”

“Daisy, Daisy,” sang Jack.  “Give me your answer do…”

Teddy was falling asleep, but sang back, “I’m half-crazy all for the love of you…”

Jack gently stroked Teddy’s fur.  “It won’t be a stylish marriage… I can’t afford a carriage…”

Teddy’s eyes closed and his head turned a little.

“But you’ll look sweet,” sang Jack, “upon the seat…”

“… of a bicycle built for…” and Teddy shut down.

Jack kissed Teddy’s head gently.  He gazed at him a moment, and then he stood and went to the window.  The Earth hung in the sky glowing as the moon once did when Jack was little.  It shone behind Teddy’s bean plant.  He let its light seep into the room and returned to the bed to cuddle Teddy once more. 

The Teddy Bear Coder Part 3:

An Unexpected Christmas Visit

December 25

7:46 AM

Fairvale, California

Jack woke up, stretched, and reached for Teddy.  “Merry Christmas, Bear!” 

He was surprised to find Teddy was nowhere to be found.  He searched under his blankets, and then jumped out of bed and looked beneath it.  He hunted for him on the floor, on the desk, and behind the computer.  He took the briefest moment to admire the growth of the bean plant, (it was nearly a foot tall now!) and then he took it from the bedside table.  He leaned the table forward to see if Teddy had somehow fallen behind it.  His bear wasn’t there.

Nat King Cole was singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire while the 8-foot Christmas tree glittered with tinsel and ornaments in the living room.  Wrapped presents were underneath the tree.  It was a Norman Rockwell Christmas scene when Jack came running down the stairs.  He was not happy.

“Have you seen Teddy?” he shouted when he came into the living room. 

Marion got up from the couch to kneel in front of Jack.  “He’s not in your room?”  She smiled knowingly at Martin.

“He’s nowhere upstairs, and he can’t operate down here.  I thought he might have fallen down the stairs, lost his contact with our Bluetooth, and been unable to get back upstairs.”

“That’s logical thinking,” said Martin, lighting his pipe.  “It doesn’t seem likely, though, since I don’t see him at the bottom of the steps.  Do you?”

Jack looked under the staircase, and he became more concerned, still.  “What could have happened to him?”

“Maybe Santa Claus took him back to The North Pole to work on him,” said Martin thoughtfully.  He puffed his pipe.  “Had you considered that possibility?”

Jack rolled his eyes.  “Father, Santa doesn’t exist.  We’ve been through this.”

“If you had asked me three weeks ago,” said Marion, sitting beneath the tree, “I would have told you that walking, talking Teddy Bears don’t exist either.  I would have been wrong, though, wouldn’t I?”

“Teddy’s existence doesn’t violate the laws of physics, Mother.  He’s just an extension of what we could already do.  He’s a simple step forward.  If I don’t find him… what will happen to him?”  Tears began to form in Jack’s eyes.

“Well, why don’t we open some presents,” said Jack’s father, “and we’ll deal with the Teddy problem later.”

“How am I supposed to think about presents when Teddy could be in mortal danger?”

“I don’t think someone who isn’t actually alive can be in mortal danger, do you?” Martin looked at his son seriously.

“How do you know he’s not alive?  He does nearly everything living things do.”

“Living things all share what traits?” Martin asked.  “You know this one.”

“He grows and develops.  That’s what his AI is all about.  He reproduces his traits.  That’s how he got you out of doing all that work.  He can respond to stimuli.  He answers nearly every question asked of him.  He can adapt to his environment.  He uses energy.  That’s why I charge him every week.  He evolves, just not through natural selection.”

“He doesn’t breathe.  He doesn’t ingest food.  He doesn’t create waste.  You sort of left those out, didn’t you?”

“Not every form of life does those things.  For example, some bacteria can obtain energy through the process of chemosynthesis, using inorganic compounds as a source of energy rather than sunlight.  Some organisms, such as plants, can produce their own food through photosynthesis, using energy from the sun to convert water and carbon dioxide into glucose.”

“He still doesn’t breathe, though, does he?”

“Life can exist without oxygen.  Some microorganisms, such as certain types of bacteria and archaea, can survive and carry out their metabolic processes in the absence of oxygen.  These organisms are known as anaerobes, and they can obtain energy through processes other than cellular respiration, such as fermentation or chemosynthesis.”

“So, you think Teddy is alive?” asked Marion.

“He’s just a different form of life, Mother.  He does everything living things do.  And right now, if he’s still on, he has to be scared.  We have to find him.”

“Hmm…” Martin picked up a present from under the tree.  “This one is marked ‘To Jack, From Santa.’  I wonder what it is.”

Jack looked at his Father suspiciously.  He took the present and ripped the wrapping paper ingloriously from it.  He opened the box and saw Teddy sitting inside.  “You scared me half to death, Father.”

“It wasn’t your Father, Jack.  Don’t you remember what you told me you were dreaming of for Christmas?”

“Children all over the world getting a living Teddy Bear.  We’re not that far along.  And Teddy can only live upstairs.”

“Turn him on, Smart Guy,” said Martin.

Jack frowned and pressed Teddy’s nose.  The stuffed bear stretched, stood up, and hugged Jack.  “Merry Christmas, Jack.”

Tears began to well up in Jack’s eyes.  He looked at his parents.  “How did you…”

“I think you said you wanted more Wi-fi coverage for Christmas.  Teddy can work anywhere in the house now, and for quite a distance in the yard.”  Martin was grinning.

Jack hugged Martin and Marion together.  “This is the best Christmas ever!”

And that’s when the pounding on the door came. 

They heard someone outside shout, “FBI!” before the door was kicked open. 

Marion screamed and leapt on top of Jack.  Martin dropped his pipe and got to his feet.  “What the hell…”

“Everyone stay right where you are,” said the large well-dressed man pointing a gun at Martin.  “Martin Zephyr, you’re under arrest for Unauthorized Computer Access, under 18 USC 1030.”  He moved to Martin quickly while the other two agents began searching the house.  “We’re executing a search warrant.  I need you to get on the ground on your stomach and put your hands behind your back.”

Marion was shaking and holding Jack tight, his head pressed to her chest so he couldn’t see what was happening.    She heard the agent handcuffing Martin and reading him his Miranda rights.  Her eyes were closed and tears started to slip down her cheek.  She heard the sound of feet coming down the stairs. 

“Did you get all the computers?”

“There were only two.  One in the office and the other in the kid’s room.”

Marion didn’t see Teddy crawling out from beneath Jack, who was rocking back and forth in his mother’s arms.  She heard his voice, though.

“Excuse me, gentlemen.  It wasn’t Mr. Zephyr.”

Marion opened her eyes now and saw Teddy standing in front of the agents, his paws above his head.

“It was me.”