Facebook – Fred's Thoughts

There are many bad things to be said about Social Media. It is often used to propagate lies, to misinform people, to divide our country, and to avoid meaningful conversation. I deny none of its evils. I am aware of them all, and I deplore them.

For all that, it’s also nearly all of my social life. I think the more of a physical social life one has, the less of an online social life that person is likely to have. I have friends whose online presence is limited to pictures they post, or in which others tag them, at social events. They’re at weddings, birthday parties, and anywhere else that there are large groups of people. And, in their pictures, you can see that they are not only comfortable, they are often radiant in their joy at being in the company of others. I’m happy as can be for them. I like to see my friends enjoying their lives. Sadly for me, they’re not spending much time online, so I get to interact with them much less than I would like. Some of those people are among my favorites. It makes me a little sad that we can’t be closer.

Those who have a larger online presence tend to have fewer photographs of themselves at social events. You will rarely see such pictures of me. I don’t feel comfortable in the presence of other people. I’m told this may put me somewhere on the Autism spectrum. I don’t deny it, but I can’t prove it.

If I’m at a social event, there must be emotionally powerful music playing, or the event was essential to a loved one. I’m hoping to leave the house next week to celebrate my birthday, and the birthday of my best friend, two weeks late. It will be the only social event I have attended in 2019. I don’t see myself socializing again until sometime in 2020. People scare the shit out of me.

The worst part of my social life being confined to Social Media is that I find myself far too concerned with numbers. I find I enjoy getting “Likes.” “Loves” make me pay even more attention. And, this interest in numbers seems to change who I am. I get more responses from cat pictures than I get from the actual work that I do. I noticed today that several people liked an article I posted, but none of them actually read it. The longer something is, the less likely anyone will pay attention to it. I’m a person seeking social interaction in an environment where the attention span is about 7 seconds. I prefer to be noticed for my writing or my podcasts. I take no pride in cat pictures, but I post them more often than I once did. Someone will notice.

Perhaps I should find another place for myself on Social Media. Facebook is all I know. I’ve heard of Twitter, but there’s even less space there to express oneself. If you know of a Social Media space where people have more time and longer attention spans, I would be grateful if you brought it to my attention.

Absent that, I have to change my thinking. There are those of you who come here and read what I write. Some of you even like the writing I do. Some will discuss it with me. The number of you decreases daily, and I believe I will have to stop looking at numbers to tell me who I am, lest I find myself to be less than I hope. That can’t be good. It’s certainly not an advantage in fighting depression.

I have already decided I won’t be defined by how much money I can earn. I must also choose not to be defined by how many “Likes” I can earn. I’m still the same Fred. You’re still the same you. The numbers don’t tell us who we are. We do that for ourselves.

Thank you for taking the time to be one of my numbers. The smaller they are, the more each one means. You mean a great deal to me.

“Listen, Bob. A gun is just a tool. No better and no worse than any other tool, a shovel- or an axe or a saddle or a stove or anything. Think of it always that way. A gun is as good- and as bad- as the man who carries it. Remember that.”

Jack Schaefer

Facebook, for me, is exactly the same. It’s a tool. There have been many valid arguments against Facebook. It has the potential for evil. It connects groups of people who share the same small minded, often ignorant or dangerous, views of the world.

“The problem… is that there is nothing special about humans in this information system. Every data point is treated equally, irrespective of how humans experience it. “Jew haters” is just as much an ad category as “Moms who jog.” It’s all data. If Group A has a bigger presence on Facebook than Group B, so be it, even if Group A is trying to demean or organize violence against the Bs. Of course, the reality is that humans are all different, and cannot be reduced to data.” –

https://qz.com/1342757/everything-bad-about-facebook-is-bad-for-the-same-reason/

I recognize its potential for abuse. But I also recognize its potential to be a life changing force for those of us who fear actual human contact. And by no means are we the only group for whom Facebook is a significant benefit. It helps those who want to launch careers. It helps those who write. It helps those who want to share ideas.

For me, Facebook has been the difference between complete social isolation and a feeling of being connected with the world at large. I’ve reconnected with friends I haven’t seen in decades. I’ve found people who share my interests and political views. I’ve encountered ideas I would never have considered in any other way. I’ve been able to get the help I’ve needed when I have had the courage to put my shame aside and ask for it. I’ve found Love, and, being Fred, plenty of rejection.

But it has made me into someone I wouldn’t have been otherwise. It’s changed me for the better. It’s saved my car, kept me from homelessness, and sent me to a Phil Collins concert. It even made it possible for me to meet one of my greatest heroes, who happened to be playing Facebook poker at the same time I was. I’ve become actual friends with him because of Facebook. And because of him, I found more music, more friends, and more acceptance.

I’m accepted in a world over which I have more control. I have a larger audience than I’ve ever had before for my ideas, my passions, my writing, and my creative endeavors. I feel safe, confident, and respected. On Facebook, I’ve been able to celebrate my successes, mourn my losses and failures, and support causes and people that are important to me.

It’s more than just pictures of Cats. (Although, of late, I’ve even begun participating in that. When Cats love you, they change you.) It’s a safe window into the world. It’s a door that can be opened and closed as necessary. It’s a tool… no better or worse than the people using it. I surround myself with the best people I can find. That makes Facebook, for me, the best tool I have.