Posted on by Fred · 2 Comments

Sex and The Attention Span of a Rabbit on Crack

A Rabbit on Crack. “That rabbit is dynamite!”

Sex! Sex! Sex! That should grab most people’s attention. Now let’s see if I can keep it for more than 8 seconds.

One thing I believe all human beings share is an interest, in one form or other, in sex. Our preferences may differ, but I suspect we all enjoy orgasms. There’s absolutely nothing “dirty” about them. They’re simply the pinnacle of human joy.

But, if we’re going to enjoy it as completely as possible, we need to pay attention. If my mind is on baseball, as I’ve been told it ought to be, I’m not really going to get as much out of the experience as I would if my mind is on my partner. I think a fair case can be made that she deserves my undivided attention since she’s being as physically intimate with me as is possible. She didn’t just hand me a really good pastrami sandwich, which I would also enjoy. She gave me something much kinder and more valuable. Or, at least she did unless it was a pastrami sandwich from Tommy’s Joynt in San Francisco, which is really too good to be a sandwich. Those things are supernatural.

The American attention span is shrinking at an alarming rate. If you write more than 20 words in a Facebook post, it’s unlikely anyone will read it. “TL;DR,” which means too long; didn’t (or don’t) read,” is becoming more and more common. We don’t take the time to engage (or even write) a complete thought.

When I was in high school, 40 years ago, my American History teacher claimed, with dismay, that the normal attention span was 7 minutes, and that was why Bugs Bunny cartoons ran that long. Today, according to Microsoft, the attention span is only 8 seconds. We can do better than that. If you’re still reading, congratulations, you’re doing better than most Americans. You’re the reader I value most.

I completely agree with the idea that our minutes are our most valuable possessions. If I spend a dollar, I can go to work and earn another one. When I spend a minute, it’s gone forever, and nothing I can do will retrieve it for me. I want each one to be the best it can possibly be. I try to have as many pastrami sandwiches as possible, now that sex really isn’t likely to be a part of my life anymore. And even now, a good pastrami sandwich is rare in my life.

I don’t want to give you tricks to increase your attention span. There are about 1,000 articles in a Google Search that will give you those. I want to convince you that it’s worth the effort.

The best minutes you are likely to spend are those to which you have devoted all of your attention. When you delve deeply into something, it becomes more interesting, even compelling, and the minutes you spend keep becoming more and more cathartic. This is true of any form of Art. Stravinsky takes longer to get than The Romantics, but the minutes you spend give you a greater high. In short, if you choose well, your time has greater value. Just as sex is better if you’re paying attention to all the little details, so is Art… and sex is a form of Art, too.

Beyond enjoying your minutes more, you are more capable of solving problems if you have taken the time to consider ideas in a little more depth. You need the whole concept, not just the meme sized McNuggets. What do I mean?

“Good fences make good neighbors.”

Robert Frost

Robert Frost is telling us that boundaries in our relationships are healthy. We must always keep someone on the other side of our fences. He’s endorsing separating ourselves from others. Isn’t he?

Mending Wall

No. You got only the McNugget. You missed most of the meal. You don’t have time for the explanation, but if you can find the time and attention to pursue it, read “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost. “Something there is that doesn’t love a wall.” The idea is deeper than it seems.

My story, “Two Moments,” can be read as either the sad acceptance of the end of a relationship or the brutal and horrifying end of a life. It takes a few minutes to absorb the ideas well enough to enjoy it. A few more minutes will allow you to consider questions I don’t answer for you. You learn about yourself by deciding how you see it. What could be more interesting than yourself? You just need to invest your minutes.

There’s a scene in a movie called “Klute” in which Jane Fonda, playing a prostitute, is having what appears to be passionate sex with a John. As she’s moaning and groaning in pretended ecstasy, we see her stop a moment, look at her watch, and then go back to playing her part. Her attention is elsewhere. She’s not enjoying her minutes. What a waste.

Choose where to spend your minutes, but spend enough of them to get the most you can out of each one. Make your minutes Prime Rib more often than McNuggets. Prime Rib costs more, but it’s much more enjoyable. Give your minutes the attention they deserve.

Posted on by Fred · 2 Comments

Clicking Like

I wonder if you understand the effect you can have on someone simply by clicking “Like” or commenting on a post. It is, for me, the equivalent of saying hi when we pass in the hallway. Commenting is like having taken a moment to talk to me.

When I was in high school, I would have floated from class to class if some of my classmates had just said, “Hey, Fred.” 40 years ago, however, we occupied entirely different social classes. I was a Greatest Nothing among The Coconino Nothings. Many of them were the Cool Kids. They were attractive. They were talented. They were athletic. I was none of those things.

Today, that caste system has evaporated. I have friends, now, who simply weren’t allowed even to acknowledge my existence, then. It would have been a violation of etiquette.

If they take a moment to say, “Hey, Fred,” even now, I am delighted. It’s a power they have. I would like to believe I’m someone who has that same power for them. I hope they get a little smile when I click “Like,” or when I comment on something they’ve posted.

It’s a way of saying, at least in a small way, “You matter to me.”

Yes, if you’re reading this, you may be sure you matter to me. Thanks for letting me inside your mind and getting beyond the social norms that would once have separated us. I’m grateful.

Today might be a good day for you to let your friends know that they matter to you. Perhaps you could make a point of clicking “Like” or making a kind comment when you’re on your Social Media today. You might make someone smile. That can be your Good Deed for The Day. And if this post got you to do that, I’ve done mine for the day, too.

Posted on by Fred · 2 Comments

The Dilemma of Us vs. Them

I am human; so are all of you. At this point, everything else, sadly, becomes exclusionary.

I’m male. More than half of you are not.

I’m white. Again, more than half of you are not.

I’m straight. I don’t have the statistics but certainly many of you are not.

I’m an Atheist. The vast majority of you are not.

I’m more than half a century old. I’ve eliminated another large group of you.

I’m an American citizen, and we can break that category down even further. I’m also a Democrat, a Liberal, and a member of the Lower Class. There are even fewer of you left in my particular box.

So, my basic group of “Us” includes very few of the people I probably like most. I see no advantages to belonging to any groups beyond being human, if it means the exclusion of others.

What are the benefits of separating ourselves from others? Why would we do it? If there were no advantages, I feel sure no one would bother.

I’m not a sociologist. But, in the minuscule research I did, I found that sociologists believe that the advantage of associating with those who match our categories is that we advance in life by being around people that fit our labels. This can be our social class, our gender, the opposite gender, financial status, and any number of equally arbitrary, and, I believe, meaningless categories. And while I agree this is probably true from the sense of one’s career, it seems to me to limit one’s experiences unnecessarily.

Many of you fit few of the same labels I do. Does that mean that I can learn nothing from you? Does that mean we can’t understand one another? Does that make me worthless to you? I believe the answer to all those questions is No.

Your experiences have been distinctly different from mine. When I learn about them, I can understand you a little better. If I can understand you a little better, I can also understand all human beings just a little better. You’ve added to my experiences, and I learned something from you. And, finally, it helps me understand myself a little better.

We probably speak the same language. You can understand what I’m writing. There’s a good chance I can understand what you’re writing. We are very different in many ways, I’m sure. But we can communicate. And from that, we can reach the beginning of an understanding of one another.

If I am of no value to you, it’s a good guess you wouldn’t have read this far. We can have value to one another without ever meeting, or even speaking. I don’t know what my value to you may be, but your value to me is, if nothing else, that my thoughts are being considered by another consciousness. That’s an exhilarating feeling.

I’m not interested in excluding anyone from my life based on a category. If you’re an asshole, that’s one thing. But assholes show up in all categories. It’s not your category differences that bother me; it’s simply that you’re an asshole. I can learn from you anyway, but I probably don’t want to hang out with you.

Mozart was, I’m told, a complete asshole. The thing is, I don’t care. I love The Marriage of Figaro, regardless of the details of the personal life of the artist who created it. I just don’t want to have him over for dinner.

For all the ways that we are different, we’re almost certainly more similar. We’re not just all human. If you prick us, we all bleed. We all have hearts that beat. We all eat food. We all need water to live. We all go to the bathroom, or if not, excrete waste in some form or other. We all need oxygen. We’re all living on the same rock in space, all at the very same time. As far as we can tell, we are the only living beings in the universe. We have quite a bit in common.

We gain nothing of actual value by deciding We are good, and They are not. Intelligent decisions are made about individuals, not categories. If I wanted only to have people like me in my life, I would be limited to straight, atheistic, diabetic, old, mostly dead, Star Trek fans who think that Enterprise was better than it got credit for being, and all the post TNG movies are pure crap. I don’t believe I have a single reader left in my category. I’m doomed to solitude. What a bummer for me.

If, however, now that I live in an age of international communication, and in a deeply connected world, I can have a greater diversity of people in my life, and I can, I hope, learn from whatever it is that you share with me, or with the world in general, then my life is richer for the experience. Is that selfish? Yes, I suppose it is, but that’s the subject of another essay.

If we can agree to this simple proposition, I believe the world would be a better place:

There is no Them. We are all Us.


Imagine all the people sharing all the world,
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

John Lennon