There are worse hoomans than my Smelly Old Man.  He loves me.  I know, because he says so about 723 times a day.  He gives lots of kisseses.  He lets me get up on his lap when he is trying to do his worksers and when he has to talk to other hoomans whose faces show up, but I can’t jump on them and give them kisseses. 

He’s too tired now to get crabby when I make my poopsers in The Room By The Outside.  He just picks them up when there’s enough of them for it to be worth bending over to get them.  He always uses all four of his paws when he trieses to get up.  Sometimes he has to try more than one or two times.  He falleded down the other Sunshine Time when he triededed to stand up.  I gave him kisseses and then he could do it.  Speedy Shine Kisseses have poopernatural powers.

I’ve been with him now for two Cold Times and a Warm Time.  I make more poopsers in The Room By The Outside in the Cold Times because I don’t like to be in The Outside then.  I get all shivery.  But then I jump in The Smelly Old Man’s lap, and he warms me up. 

I’ve met 9 other hoomans.  He was here for 5 of them.  Smelly Old Man gets mad at me when I jump on them, but I have to because otherwise they might not know how much I love them, and then that would be bad.  Everyone needs to know that Speedy Shine loves them.  That’s what I am here to do.  Except one time for a minute when I was having a pee-pee time and one of the other hoomans thought she could pick me up, so I tried to bite her.  I told her I was sorry later, but she wouldn’t let me give her any kisseses.  She went away after that.  Other hoomans never stay here for the long time.

When we have Sleepy Time, I get under the coverses and cuddle the Smelly Old Man.  He tells me that I’m The Best Cuddler.  Nobody else ever cuddles him, though, so how would HE know? 

Sometimes during Sleepy Time, Smelly Old Man’s chest stops moving, so I have to jump on it.  I put my whiskerses on his face, and sometimes I put myself under his paw, so he has to pet me.  When he wakeses up I give kisseses and then I go back to sleep.  He doesn’t get mad because he has Sleepy Time whenever he wants. 

My other hooman before him used to get mad at me lots and lots, especially when I would chew the floofers in the soft things, so then he took me to The Place With The Other Dogsers.  I was in a little cage.  Smelly Old Man took me out of there, and now he’s mine.  You can’t have him.