Keeping The Smelly Old Man Alive

I love The Smelly Old Man, but I don’t think he’s The Perkiest Puppy in The Pound.  A lot of the times he’s about ready to go to The Room Where The Dogsers Don’t Come Back, and he just sleeps through it. 

Sometimes he stops breathinging.  I can hear him even when I am having my Sleepy Time.  When I feel his tummy going up and down it helps me to go to The Place Where There’s No Wallsers or Fenceses and I Can Zoomie and Get All The Peoples Who Try To Come In My Backyard.  Then his tummy stops moving, and I have to come back and jump on him so he openses his eyesers and sits up.  He doesn’t like it, but he gives me kisseses anyway and tells me I’m The Best Good Boy.  I already knew that, but I think it makes him feel important to tell me.  He’s a silly Smelly Old Man. 

Sometimes I can smell he’s getting in trouble.  He smells like lots of fruitsers and I have to get him up so he can go into the place with the round chair with a hole in it and stick himself with one of the little toysers I don’t get to chew on.  Sometimes he loses all his smells and then it’s really hard to make him sit up and get some loves.  I have to jump on him lots of times.  I have to use my whiskerses to wake him up and I have to get under his hand so he has to give me pets and loves.  One time I had to get off the bed and get a running start from the floor so I landeded on his chest so hard he jumpeded up like a dog he didn’t like was sniffing his butt.

Once he’s up we go out into the big room and he does his Worksers.  I wait until Pretty Girl comes in her big metal thing with the round parts at the bottom to take him away before I can do my worksers.  She should come and see him more times because he’s always Shinier after she does, and then I could do more Dogcasts.  All the other hoomans know mine is better than his. 

It’s not his fault.  He likes to talk a lot, but he doesn’t talk about anything that really matters.  He never talks about Treatsers.  He doesn’t think about which toysers are best for when you want to chew the soft things and take out the floofsers.  Since he gets all sad when I do that, he needs to get me better toysers I can chew when I need soft ones instead of the ones that go clonk when I drop them. 

As long as I can keep him alive, though, there’s still time for him to learn.  I will help him.  I’m Speedy Shine.  That’s what I do.