My name is Speedy Shine, but that’s just what The Smelly Old Man calls me.  The Big Man with the Biggerer Houseses used to call me Speedy, and The Woman With The White Hair calleded me Hubert. 

White Hair Woman didn’t like me very much because I made too many poopsers, and I would always try to get the foodsers from her plate and then she would hit my nose, and it hurteded.  She took me to the place with the other dogsers and I lived behind the glass thing and sometimes I went out with the other dogsers and we would bark at each other.  I was never scared of them, though.  They were bigger than I am, but they didn’t know about my Secret Identity.  I can’t tell you about it because of Practical Cats.

Then The Man With The Biggerer Houseses took me to his great big huge place and there was lots and lots of room for me to have my Zoomies.  I likeded that part. 

But he getteded mad at me about chewing on the soft things and pulling all the floofsers out and putting them on the floor where everyone knows they really belong.  He used to yell at me, and he spankeded me and that hurt, so I trieded to bite him and he took me back to the place where the glass house and the other dogsers were.  I madeded friends with one of them, but then he wasn’t there anymore.  I seeded a hooman take him to the room where the dogsers don’t come back.  I guess nobody wanteded him.  I’m sorry for him.  That’s a sad part.

I was a little bit afraid they were going to take me to that room because lots of hoomans came to see me, but then they didn’t want to take me home when they heareded that I like to chew on things. 

Then The Smelly Old Man and The Pretty Girl came to see me.  I likeded The Pretty Girl because I could smell the other dogsers on her.  The Smelly Old Man was just smelly, so I thought I would be better off with her.  But after we getteded in the car and left, she leavededed me with The Smelly Old Man and I misseded her right away.  She’s only come to see me one time, and that makes me sad.

The Smelly Old Man nameded me Speedy Shine because there was this other girl on the glass thing who sang about “Shine,” and he knew that should be my name because, he said, I make him Shine. 

He’s figuring out my Secret Identity, I think, because I keep waking him up when he is about to die.  He knows about Love.  He knows it’s the most powerful force in the universeses.  I wonder if he will ever understand that I am secretly all the love in the universe in a furry fourteen-pound package.  That’s just me.